Pregnancy without needing Clomid

Update....my baby girl is 14 months now :)....also, I am pregnant again!  And I did NOT have to take Clomid again.  I got pregnant with no help of modern medicine.  For those of you who have not read my previous posts (the whole story is on the blog, with details of my miscarriage), my first pregnancy (lost at 8 weeks), and second (successful) pregnancy were both conceived using Clomid.  I was not getting my period, so I needed help with ovulation.  After having my successful pregnancy, my period started about three months after my baby was born.  This was even while I was still breastfeeding twice a day.  Ladies, there is HOPE!!

Ovulating

Searched for articles about ovulation after being on the pill, this one was somewhat helpful:

http://www.babymed.com/how-to-get-pregnant-after-the-birth-control-pill


As I told you in my earlier posts, I was not ovulating before I got pregnant, obviously the reason I had to take Clomid.  It's possible that I was not getting my period because I had been on the pill.  I had been on the pill for six or seven years.  When I went off of it I just never started my period on my own, until after this successful pregnancy.  I started my period a few months ago and it is becoming more regular now.  It is my belief that having a baby has "restarted" my system and gotten my period going.  I was hoping this would happen, and it feels so good and....normal to have my period again. 

Pregnancy after miscarriage

Sorry to not have posted for so incredibly long!  I got pregnant at the end of November and couldn't bring myself to write about the pregnancy in case something happened.  I used Clomid again and got pregnant on the first try.  I was on the lowest dosage.  We still dont know why I am not ovulating on my own.  Anyway, my baby girl was born in August and she is perfect.  If you are going through a miscarriage I know it is so hard but please do not lose hope, this time will pass and you will get what you want at some point!  I have a perfectly healthy baby now, even with a past miscarriage, hypothyroidism, and not ovulating.  It CAN happen!

Neat Clomid tool

I found this ovulation calculator for those using Clomid.  It tells you what you might already know, but gives more details and would be helpful to someone with questions about when exactly you will ovulate after your last Clomid pill.

http://www.babymed.com/tools/clomid-ovulation-calculator

Clomid update

Today I'll be taking my fourth Clomid pill (taking a total of five).  I'm trying to remember which day of the pills it is that makes my cramps start.  Last time I was on my way into the drug store to pick up some contact solution and all of a sudden I had the WORST pains.  I assume I was ovulating, and I am hoping that the pain doesn't come while I am at work.  Crossing my fingers for it this weekend if it has to happen.  I could barely walk it was so bad.  I was worried about the reason why it was happening, and I still don't really know.  Anyway, not much has changed at this point.  I'm trying to be better about taking my prenatal vitamins.  Ever since the miscarriage I have beenn slacking off about it but I know I've got to improve.

Provera

I started Provera last Friday and took my last pill on Tuesday.  I started my period this morning so it took four days instead of three, like I had anticipated.  I will take the Clomid the fifth day of my period.  Five days after that hopefully I will ovulate!  I did the last time I was on Clomid, and we got pregnant the first month, so I am suspecting we will this time too.  I really hope so anyway.

Not so good lately...

I really haven't been feeling too great lately...I'm still spotting and I can't figure out how to get it to stop.  I called my doctor and they say it just takes time to go back to normal.  Obviously, something is wrong or else I wouldn't be randomly spotting like this.  I guess there is just no good answer for the exact reason why this happens.  It's just reminding me (as if I needed it) that everything is just not ok.  I am really really not pregnant. 

I decided I needed something else to keep me occupied, so I've decided to start exercising and eating better.  I need to focus on things like that rather than sink into this deep depression because I'm no longer pregnant.  I hope it helps.  I started exercising today for the first time in FOREVER and I can really feel the burn!  I'm hoping it releases some endorphines and I will all of a sudden be happy.  I'll let you know.

Spotting Again

This weekend the day after intercourse, as my gyno's nurse would put it, I started spotting again.  To recap, at the end of August after a completely natural miscarriage I went completely back to normal.  But a couple of weeks later I spotted very lightly for two weeks.  I did not stop spotting until a day I had off work and just lounged around.  So, today I took a half day off work and am considering not going tomorrow as well.  I want it to stop before it continues for another two weeks.  It's not much at all but it's just annoying and it's a sign to me that something is still not right.  However, I am starting to wonder if these times are just really really light periods?  Can this be a period of some sort?  It's not physically like a period, but maybe now that things are so different, I just have a different sort of period.  I wish I knew what it was.  If it doesn't stop after laying around tomorrow, I'm going to have to go back to work. 

On a side note, ANOTHER person has announced on Facebook that they are pregnant.  Now, I don't wish for others to suffer or anything like that but I can't help but be jealous of people who are pregnant/getting pregnant.  Why not me?  I am depressed right now just thinking about my situation.  I wish I could go on an antidepressant sometimes, but I know that's just a fleeting thought.  Also, I stopped drinking when I thought I potentially ovulated last week, but I would just loooove a glass of wine right now.  I wish time would go faster and I could just be pregnant already.

Cheap Ovulation Tests!

When I got on Amazon to order my new books, I stumbled across these cheap ovulation test strips that I keep reading about.  They are about $5.00 for a pack of 40 ovulation strips plus 10 pregnancy test strips.  Now, I know this sounds too good to be true and I'm sure it is.  I have taken an ovulation test every day and nearly every day the test band has shown up almost as dark as the control band.  I was starting to wonder if this was just because it is a cheap test and the test band just shows up no matter what, so I decided to try a pregnancy strip.  Well, the pregnancy strip turned out negative, with no pink test band whatsoever.  This makes me think that the ovulation strip is at least trying. 

Today the band was a little less pink than it has been over the past few days.  Maybe I ovulated???  I can't really tell at all.  Over the weekend, starting on Friday I believe, I noticed some signs that I was probably ovulating.  I really don't know what to think.  I want to take a pregnancy test as soon as I can to see if I did ovulate and conceived, but since my blood test just one week ago was negative, there really is no point in trying for another week at least. 

When I was pregnant I got a positive about a week and a half after I ovulated.  I used the early response test.  I'm not expecting these cheap tests to give me a result that quick.  I will just use them when I know good and well it's not worth testing!  Why do I test when I know it's probably pointless?  Is anyone else as crazy about it as me?

These are what the cheap test strips look like- You can see my (negative??) test below:



HCG Level: 1

Well, I am definitely not pregnant.  At my endocrinologist appointment yesterday I had a blood test to discover this fact and also the fact that my thyroid is slightly off.  I'll be changing dosages.  We also discussed how I was feeling in relation to my thyroid, of course.  We talked about my miscarriage and she said that these things just happen and it's nature's way of keeping children from being born with extreme problems.  I understand and agree but it is still so sad to know that I am not pregnant right now.  She said that I maybe want to wait for three months to get pregnant again and that I should wait to see if I ovulate on my own.  I could tell she did not think I should try to Clomid again any time soon.  Now I don't know what to do.  I want to try to take a natural approach and when we were trying to conceive the first time I bought these natural supplements that I think I will try again.  I'm worried they are somehow bad for me, but I know that's just my paranoia talking.  They are Solaray, Natural Fertility supplements.  I don't know if they will help, but I paid big bucks for them, so why not try, right?  I take four of them a day and hopefully they will help me ovulate on my own.  We shall see...

Trying Again reading material

After I lost my baby I knew I wanted to learn as much about the process as possible.  I was searching the internet trying to find out what others were going through and what I could expect.  I wondered what would be in my future and what a miscarriage would ultimately mean for me.  Would I be able to get pregnant again IMMEDIATELY?  That's really the burning question.  Also, would this happen to me again?  What caused this to happen?  I decided that the internet did not give me enough information to satisfy my curiosity.  So, I searched the internet for some helpful books.  I really did not know what to order.  I decided on one that was very reasonably priced and focused on the subject matter that I was interested in.  It's called Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss, by Ann Douglas.  I wouldn't say this was the most helpful book, but it did have lots of advice for peole in lots of different situations.  I've ordered two more books with helpful suggestions from someone who has been through this before.  I'll keep you posted on how those books turn out.

Period

I have not gotten my period since my miscarriage just over a month ago.  Here's the trouble- I wasn't getting my period before the miscarriage either.  Maybe it was because of my hypothyroidism, or maybe it's because my bloodwork shows a slight tendency to pcos.  My doctors don't know.  I had to take Clomid to get pregnant and it worked the first time.  This time, however, I would rather not have to use the Clomid.  I would rather just start ovulating on my own.  I hoped that the m/c would jump start my cycle but so far that hasn't seemed to happen.  Two weeks ago I thought that I ovulated.  That Friday night, though, I started spotting just barely and it has not stopped since then.  It's not like a period and it's much lighter.  My nurse said it's probably just old blood but they just don't really know exactly what it is.  Either way, I wish my actual period would start so I would know that I did ovulate.  Oh, if only this were easier...

My Obsession with Pregnancy Tests!

I don't know if I'm the only one who does this, but when I am hopeful of being pregnant, all I want to do is test!  Thankfully, a friend told me about these cheap tests you can get at the Dollar Tree.  They are only one dollar and they work.  I have seen other people on the internet who say they don't work, but I am a believer.  If anyone else is interested, check out Dollar Tree or now Dollar General also has them.  I took one today when I got home from work and still am getting a negative result.  I am going to try and force myself to wait until Saturday to take another one, but we'll see what happens.

This is the Dollar General version of the $1.00 pregnancy test (you can see my negative result below):

This is the Dollar Tree ovulation kit (this gave me a positive result when I took Clomid, so you know they work!):

This is what I used when I got my results for being pregnant the first time.  I got a very faint pink line about a week and a half after we conceived:

New Clothes

When I was pregnant, I gained a few pounds because of all of the snacks and extra food I was eating.  I felt like while I was pregnant I didn't want to deprive the baby of any nutrients, so if I was hungry, I ate.  I have always been small, so gaining even just 5 pounds is a big deal for me.  I was having difficulty wearing my normal clothes while I was in my first few weeks of pregnancy, but I didn't want to buy new things since I would have to get maternity clothes soon.  Well, after I lost the baby, I still needed those new clothes.  So a couple of weeks ago I went and bought nearly $300 worth of clothing that would fit me better.  I never do things like that, in fact I wear the same clothes for years sometimes and rarely buy enough new things to wear.  But that day, it made me feel so good trying those clothes on and feeling better about what I was wearing and how it made me look.  Thankfully, I had a gift card for most of what I bought, but I still spent more money than I should have.  I don't think my husband understood why I felt like I wanted those clothes so much.  I think he was just thinking about the money.  I'm not even sure I want all of the clothes anymore.  He says I should keep them.  I need to just wash them and hang them in the closet so I can stop thinking about taking them back.  I deserve them, right?

The End of my pregnancy

4 days after the bleeding started I lost the baby.  I'll spare the details because it's hard to write.  Anway, when it happened I knew.  There was no mistaking what I saw.  However, I called the doctor (after calling my husband to come home from work).  We went to her office and she did another ultrasound.  I was right.  The baby was not there, as it had been just two days before.  I could hardly believe it.  I was in a state of denial and depression for several days.  I felt like it could not be real.  I had all these pictures in my mind for the next 9 months.  It was hard to accept that they were not going to be happening to me.  I felt horrible.  These feelings lasted for about a week.  After that, I accepted things but still was very sad when I would think about what happened.  And that's kind of the state I'm at right now.  Accepting, but sad.  And all I want is to get pregnant again.  I feel like I am SUPPOSED to be pregnant right now.  I was supposed to be pregnant until the spring.  Today I am still thinking about my baby and the baby I hope to conceive very soon.

Oops!

I forgot to mention in my last post that I was 7 1/2 weeks when this bleeding started.  Sorry, kind of an important piece of information!

Denial

That night, the bleeding got worse and I was cramping.  I tried to pretend that it wasn't that bad and that it was fine.  I think it was a lot worse than I was admitting at the time.  I couldn't even bring the dinner my husband made me to my mouth so that I could eat, I was so miserable. 

The next day it was better, the bleeding slowed down some and I wasn't cramping.  I thought everything would be fine.

The next day is when I actually passed the baby.  I will write about that later when I have had time to think about how to say it...

Hope

I continued to bleed for the next few days.  We went to be checked two days after my visit to the ER to be checked by my gynecologist.  Again, we got to see the baby (only this time it was much more clear because it was a vaginal ultrasound) and she looked bigger than she looked for our first ultrasound we had done a few weeks earlier.  Her heart was beating and I was so relieved.  The doctor said that the chance of miscarriage goes down to below 5% once there is a heartbeat, and I felt like everything was going to be fine.  I had been worrying so much over the past couple of days that I felt like at that point, I could finally relax.

"Threatened Miscarriage"

In late August, I noticed I was bleeding, somewhat like a period.  My heart sank.  I knew I had to go to the emergency room to find out what was wrong.  At the emergency room, they found a heartbeat on the ultrasound.  I was so relieved.  I just wanted to know that my baby was still alive.  They did an exam and the doctor said that she thought my cervix was open just barely and was calling this a "threatened miscarriage".   

My Short Pregnancy

As the weeks went by and the school year started, I was extremely tired (I would come home every day and take a nap with my dog, Buddy) but aside from that had virtually no symptoms.  Every once in a while I would start to feel nauseous, but just had to swallow hard and it went away.  Also, my breasts were very sore and were much bigger than before!  But other than that, no symptoms.  Every night I would read in my pregnancy journal and pregnancy books about what my baby was developing that day.  I would read the information to my husband and I would picture my growing baby.  I ate healthier than I have ever eaten.  I was buying perfect food and eating perfect meals and snacks.  I was doing everything I could to be healthy for my baby.

Soooo Happy!!

Somehow right away I knew that we were going to have a girl.  I just had a feeling that the baby I was expecting was going to be a little girl.  I loved her so much already and my husband felt the same way.  The baby was all I could think about.  I was so happy to be pregnant.

Trying to Conceive

I knew in the first few months of 2010 that I wanted to get pregnant over the summer.  I am a teacher's aide and thought I could time things perfectly so that I could have the baby late in the school year, and then be home all summer with my baby.  My husband and I disagreed on when exactly to start trying, but we decided to start in July 2010. 


The trouble was, I wasn't ovulating on my own.  The months between going off the pill (September 2009) and trying in July, I was not getting my period without taking medicine.  This could have been because of my hypothyroidism, but my endochrinologist and gynecologist could not figure out what was wrong with me.  All of my blood work was coming back normal.  We decided that I should take Clomid to help me ovulate.  Clomid is the first type of drug that is taken when a couple cannot conceive naturally. 


To our surprise, we probably conceived somewhere around July 14... and on July 23, we got a faint pink line on my early response pregnancy test!  I went in for blood work to confirm and it was true-we were pregnant!  We were so excited that we had our parents over for dinner that night and told them that very day.  It was unbelievable how excited a family can get about a new baby...even when I was less than 4 weeks pregnant. 

My Story

I wanted to share my story about my miscarriage.  I have spent hours looking online for other people with stories like mine.  I've never really found someone with my exact scenario, and I have looked all over.

Right now I am only a month post miscarriage and I can't think of anything except for trying to conceive again.  In the mean time, I'm going to post about my experiences over the past few months as well as our journey we are facing right now...